Greetings Lovely Hearts
There is something most beautiful, lovely and liberating that I want to share with you. Entailing how I got to where I am presently as for self-image. It would be most kind if you’d take a moment to walk with me.
Dear Hearts I presently sit and relish in the beauty I find in having Mental Love and Mental Peace. See it was not but 5 years ago that I entered into this place of serenity. You see as I briefly touched on the Insightful Nugget for October 13 I talked about my awakening to conscious light that began with a short period in a psychiatric hospital for a short period. It was short but long enough for me to come to realization that I didn’t belong there. And that there was nothing so terribly and dreadfully wrong with me that I couldn’t work on with support from the right entities.
First, I will say I am happy to share this with you. I am former sufferer of heavily traumatic depression, anxiety and suicidal tendencies. I am at last free to share this once hidden and most shameful secret because I know there are many who are sufferers of depression, anxiety, contemplation or attempts of suicide, bi-polar, schizo- phrenia, multiple personality disorder, and cutters and others that I haven’t encountered. Many that have been labeled with or actually deal with symptoms of the listed are just plain outright frightened to speak of it. They feel that they’ll be judged, ridiculed, misunderstood, rebuked, mocked, laughed at and sneered at. Or will receive unkind remarks from those meaning well but just don’t know. Or even those who are so cruel as to not care and just blurt out the first thing that comes to their mind, “Such as,’What did you do to yourself?” Never once stopping to think it’s not so much as to what they did themselves but what they’ve allowed and what’s been projected upon them by DNA and life circumstances. Not my all time favorite that I’d often get asked if it appeared I was having a hard time coping. ”Do you need to go to the doctor?” Classic. A person with mental traumas and pains does not want to whooshed off to a doctor who is going to overanalyze them and prescribe some medicines without any deep care or concern for the person. I knew this. I had experienced that often when attending therapy especially with a psychiatrist. Not so much with a psychologist or psycho-therapist who actually LISTENED to hear what the deeper issue was. See I didn’t want to be handled as if I was mentally unstable. But I was often handled like this with those who I was supposed to be able to confide in with my most sensitive issues.
See, let me share some insight with you. If you haven’t dealt with mental instability, mental illness or whatever label you choose. Well you must first off know you must be gentle with these type of mindsets. It is not a good idea to make them feel like they are a basket case that can not function and need to go to a doctor. Or that they somehow caused this to themselves. Especially if they are talking to you about it. They are talking to you because they need someone to help them figure their way to a more peaceful mind so they can think clearly to see their way out. That’s all. You are a mental light to illuminate the answer that is hidden in the shadows. I experienced much mental healing through one on one therapy with some of the most kind hearted therapist. They just listened and shared enlightening thoughts and insights and that’s what I needed. Instead of someone who couldn’t emotionally connect and hear what I was saying instead making me feel as if I had lost it.
So a word of caution if you just happen to have someone in your life who is mentally sensitive. If you are a person who is unable to emotionally connect to those suffering with any type of emotional instability, well, I would say that you would not be the best person to handle a person of such fragile nature. This is not a slap on the hand so please don’t take it as such. It is merely a caution and wisdom to not aggravate the person who is seeking help nor yourself. It will make for a uncomfortable and even more frightening situation for both if they are handled with unkind hearted well meant intentions.
I share from a heart of experience. I grew up in a house where individuals were just not good with being emotionally connected. Not to one another nor themselves. So they had a tendency to detach and seclude themselves in their own physical space and mental haven. It was for safety measures.From my perspective it’s not that I didn’t want to be emotionally connected with my OLD DNA family. I just knew deep inside it wasn’t the safest thing to do because everyone was in so much internal turmoil. The safest way was to communicate least as possible. This was about surviving and self perservation. It may sound selfish but I lived in a very volatile atmosphere, in which anyone could just snap and say something crazy and far out of the way if they were triggered. Triggers anywhere from a hello at the wrong time or maybe it was the tone. Also, a brief glance that was interpreted as a stare down could cause alarm and send me into my retreat space. Now, these actions and attitudes weren’t always involving me but it was just being around this constant tense way of . Well it just made me want to crawl out of my skin. Now mind you, I am one of peacemaking spirit. I didn’t and still don’t like a lot of drama, mess and conflict. I could deal with minimal, but not on a day to day basis. I figured conflict is part of life, but not all the damn time. I’m one that will deal with it when needed. But when it’s needed all the time. Well it just becomes taxing, draining, toxic and damaging to the soul. This is what happened to me. I am a sensitive/empathic natured person. I have always been a LOVING hearted person even if my soul had been trampled on. But this meant, I didn’t like to always hear someone belittling or degrading me or others around me. It did and still does something to my soul in the way of making me feel low and sad. However, this day I have a much better way of coping. It doesn’t effect me the same way. But I do not stand for it long. I will silence it quickly. I do not allow anything assaulting and low vibrational to dwell in my sphere for long. You and It must exit stage left. And quickly. Lol. But in previous times, I would quickly disconnect emotionally, mentally and then physically retreat. Arming myself with this defensive system proved to be the very dismantling of a breakdown that came in 2009 of October that I truly needed to save my life. I’m glad it happened.
See, when you are constantly day in and day out around individuals who suffer from identity loss, anger and rage due to how they were raised by their parents. Well it becomes down right daunting and intolerable after a while. And once you physically leave the atmosphere and relocate yourself and begin to gain momentum. Well these ugly and vile things begin to expose their faces once again. You think ‘Oh I thought I left that back in such and such?” And when you really began to analyze your path and how it lead you to your current space, you began to slowly see. Please understand, you can physically separate yourself from a trauma but the bruises, holes and wounds still remain imprinted and seared into your psyche, emotions and spirit. It’s still present. Words, attitudes, actions, and thoughts are Spirit. They carry a vibration. Spirit does not disappear or dissipate but transforms. These vibrations are like vapors that have attached themselves to your breath or DNA and they linger. They are present, until you have a strong shaking and rattling of your conscious world. And this is what happened to me.
Prior to then, I experienced many rejections, misunderstandings and unkind treatment from many but more-so those who were once close to me namely the OLD DNA family. I call them the OLD DNA family because when you elevate yourself in mind and spirit you can’t remain emotionally connected to those who haven’t awakened and decided to do the necessary deep work required to heal and be in healthy relationship with you. It would be detrimental to you. So there comes a time when you must make that sometimes difficult decision to separate your emotions from the OLD DNA and live peaceably with them in the way that best suits both parties. Namely yourself. See, because when you truly understand where you were and what you’ve come through. Embracing this knowledge, it becomes your utmost desire to protect your healing by any means necessary. You may feel like you’re leaving those behind that haven’t awakened to a certain degree. But may I say to you, You are responsible for loving yourself FIRST AND FOREMOST. If there are individuals who present themselves as unworthy of being in your presence than lovingly disassociate yourselves with them. Wisely decide how to do so. Sometimes, you don’t even have to necessarily say anything. It’s all about how you treat them. Sometimes if you’re able SPACE and TIME are the best antidotes for both parties. I know it has been for me. So I can’t say in the least do I regret making the decision to sever emotional ties with the OLD DNA. Not one bit.
Today, I have MENTAL PEACE. Today, I have MENTAL LOVE. I gave both of these wonderful and beautiful gifts to myself when I decided to put me first. When I decided to stop agreeing with the broken hearted, wounded and victimized personality of my OLD DNA. I live in a NEW WORLD. I have NEW DNA. My NEW DNA will not allow me to dwell on the past happenings of pain, trauma or who did me wrong or who didn’t do this. I forgive, I let go. I love them. I am FREE!
My NEW DNA is just beginning and unfolding a new and fresh each and every day. I desire to enjoy this journey along the way. More and More deeply everyday and I can not do this with my mind in the OLD DNA frame. I must REFRAME, RESHAPE AND SHIFT MY NEW DNA MIND. I must frame it, shape it after the fashionings of my new self. It’s a most beautiful delight and peaceful self. That which I’ve encountered thus far. I imagine this NEW DNA SELF will only become more and more lovely as I continue. I am excited to have Mental Love meaning I love the sanity, serenity and stability of my mental functions more than I love connecting, thinking or embracing debilitating, unkind, unpleasant, self degrading, self dishonoring thoughts and words spoken and uttered in my mind space. Mental Peace is the essence of having thoughts that flow much more easily without constant chops and breaks in thought. With little to no congestion in thoughts that feel like they are racing always. Peace. Stillness. Calmness. That’s ME!
Well I thank you so much for taking a walk with me on my path to where I currently stand. I hope these words have helped someone. I hope they have given someone more understanding of dealing with a mentally sensitive person who is trying to heal or who needs assistance in moving into a place of healing. I hope these words have been a blessing as they were intended. Thank you allowing me to share a portion of my story with you. I truly appreciate your time.
Peace and Love, Your Highness- Royal ReddPeace.