I’ve experienced many different levels & types of DEATH in my life. Spiritual deaths as well as Physical deaths of loved ones. However, I began my First Post of my New Self Healing Blog entitled “Reflections of The Oracle” encompassing Death in way that I’ve never experienced. From the aspect of feeling COMPLETELY Happy & Joyous about the ceasing and relief from so many things which have held me captive for far too long.
In the midst of great & strong transition in my life, I feel a birth of renewal coming forth. I feel newness entering in a way that has my mouth wide open in a state of Wow! I Am totally elated, excited and jumping for joy with the unfolding of this energetic Death. There are things which I have resisted to let go of for so long which are now just falling way with no effort from me. It’s as if they are being pulled away in the sense of just leaving. Like, You can no longer hold onto these things. These things can’t travel with you to your next altitude of Consciousness. They are just leaving. It’s as if they are saying “My Time is up here. I’ve expired this space and I can’t dwell here anymore.”It’s as if the inner atmosphere of what I Am Becoming is crowding and smooshing out the things that have lingered. Unconsciously aware of Attitudes I tried so mercilessly to hold onto which were serving me a great injustice. Clinging to them as if I would not know who I was without them. This is how I’ve felt a lot of my life. That If I let my old stuff go in some ways I would lose my identity. But the trick being played was instead that of one which illuminated that I would gain yet a Larger and more accurate and truthful description & identification of Who I Am Now and who I Am Becoming. This is scary and exciting at the same time. I no longer have to cling to or hold onto the attitudes I felt smothered by. I could peacefully let go of them and make peace with these things and return them to the space which they came.
In the face of this Death walk I AM happy to release EVERYTHING when I say EVERYTHING. I mean EVERY Single Thing which NO longer causes me to excel and move forward. I desire to no longer deal with feeling and being stagnant in my growth. For there is something that is pulling me forward and magnetizing me to come up Higher.
I AM delighted to release anything that would hinder me from Rising Up. Any person who has overstayed their time whether physically or energetically because I seemed to justify the need for this persons presence or energy which was comforting in my state of sleep. Well, I gladly release them to move into the next space of their journey. No hard feelings, only gratitude and thanks for the time and space we shared together. I release you in Divine Love. Go in peace.
This expression of dying and releasing things is bringing such a Higher Awareness within my Consciousness which says you can no longer afford to hold onto the old thoughts, old habits and old mindsets which you kept you bound and afraid to move forward into your new territory. It’s as if these things are being torn from me, gently but with a force that tears these old malignant ways of being away to never see them again. It’s as if these things which I Am Finally having the courage to release those of which I have held onto for decades are now leaving me without a fight. Because this weeks release has been filled with tears of pleasurable release & highly introspective eyes as to what had kept me from wanting to let these things go once upon a time. Me. It’s been ME all alone. No one else. It’s NEVER anyone else. It’s ALWAYS Me. So, NOW That I saw the parts of Me which did not yet want to be free, I relinquish the right to hold on and fight for things which are no longer note worthy. Those things which are no longer worthy of holding space in my life, MUST Go!!!
The Biggest epiphany has been that I did not Fully trust my self to be able to show up in the New Territory and be able to govern and rule my space without concerning myself of others agreeing or not agreeing. Not in the sense of seeking validation, because I don’t . But the attitude of people at times being so disagreeable is what I wasn’t looking forward too. But, Death is ushering this fear right to the grave of “No Longer shall you exist here concerning yourself with the disagreeable or agreeable attitudes others”
I have since come to concluding that as Death ushers me deeper into yet a New Greater Awareness, that whether others Agree or Disagree there will always be some type of opposition that I will have to face. The biggest Opposition is ME. So now, I move beyond Me. The part of Me (ego) which seeks to self sabotage with resonating the agreement of disagreement of others. Some will agree and others will not! Simple! The responses do not make what I have to share any less valid.
My Truth will still stand in the face of frowned up faces and turned up noses. My Truth will still be shared and spoken loudly without fear in the presence of those who oppose my Message because it may be touching a nerve or simply because they do not resonate or want to hear it. Either way, I Am Moving into a deeper Peace which resonates much Strength and the ability to keep moving into the Unknown spaces of my new Territory. With Much excitement I embrace the Darkness. I Embrace the Hidden Mysteries which are waiting to reveal themselves to Me. I Lovingly Open My Heart to Receive All the Uni-verse within Me Has To Speak, Show & Reveal. Shine Brightly Upon my Conscious Mind that I May Know All That Is To Be Known For ME- Royal Redd.
In the Face of Death looming and clearing the space free of things which once made sense. The Soul Mate energy speaks to me from a space of Now allowing myself to Open up to the Many Beautiful possibilities of expansion in the area of Divine LOVE with my desired Soul Mate. I was once not Open to the idea of a Soul Mate in ANY form . However in the presence of this Beauty named Death I’ve been shown on a deeper level of WHY I was not Totally Open.
Disappointment & Betrayal of the Masculine and the Lack of Trust for the energetic presence of the Masculine is what has held me back. The Lack of Trust for the Masculine energetically has had nothing to do with not trusting the Masculine (physical). Not entirely, but more so from an energetic standpoint. Energetically within myself I had YET to Accept, Acknowledge and Connect with the Masculine intimately. I had YET to realize that the Masculine within needed healing and acknowledging. He has a voice and I wasn’t open to hearing it because of all of the unpleasant interactions of outward relations with the Masculine. I had yet to see that the Masculine within needed to be heard from a different aspect. Not from the aspect of pain but with an Open heart of forgiveness & compassion for the pains that the Masculine within had endured. He had a story to tell. So I listened with a heart to want to know How he had too been betrayed.
As the Masculine within was calling out to be heard, noticed and seen I began to sit still and acknowledge the words and feeling impressions I received. As I listened I began to bond with the Masculine within once again, which led me to forgiveness of every Masculine who had dealt with me in a wrong manner. I was able to forgive the Masculine which had hurt me and disappointed me with His physical actions. The Masculine that could not express himself clearly enough to tell me how he felt. Because this is how he often times reflected back to me always through my outward experiences. Masculines who did not express their feelings clearly or well came infrequently into my space, but enough to make me wonder, “What the heck is going on?”. Masculines who did not know how to share their feelings with out being angry and rash. Masculines who proved not to be trustworthy or even worthy of being in my Feminine presence.
All of this stemmed from not being aware of HOW I had internalized the injuries of the Masculine within. I had internalized them as, “How could you? Why would you? And I dare you”. Internalizing the actions of the Masculine led me to judgement of Him Physically and Energetically. In that bringing more energies toward me that said, “You’re not trustworthy or you are unable to communicate your feelings without being reactive or rash”. Being made aware of these mindsets and attitudes towards the Masculine has brought me to a much brighter outlook on entertaining the Divine Masculine who I know to be my Soul Mate.
For so long I felt I repelled him in many ways subconsciously because I still held things within of the pain of my past dealings with those Masculine figures whom had an authority presence in my life. I no longer feel the presence of this energy which skewed my vision and clouded my heart from seeing the Divine Masculine that my soul has chosen. I feel a Strong ability to See, Comprehend, Inner Stand and Intimately Connect with the Masculine energy within me. That I may Intimately connect with the Divine Masculine Soul Mate which awaits to come forth into my space. Energetically he has been present for a long time. But I held him at bay because a part of me refused to see that Yet He too had been wounded by me the Feminine that refused to see the energetic Masculine within her that needed to be healed. So as I make the necessary steps of correction to heal and release these pinned up resentments through the Death walk taking place. I Am Happy to meet Him at sometime in the very near future, for my Heart Has Awoken to the Possibility that He and I shall meet someday. At that time I know I shall Be able to express myself as the Divine Feminine who Intimately connects with the Masculine within that I may Intimately connect with He- My Divine Masculine Soul Mate. I Await Thee. Ase’. Thank you for sharing with me on my journey to healing and restoring my faith in the Masculine. Namaste’.