Rebellious Anger. I have been in rebellion against my anger for sometime now. I couldn’t put my finger on why until this day. I have been encountering angry, hostile strong energy mainly from men. But some women at times who have a tendency to be more masculine than feminine in their energy transmission. At first this irritated the hell out of me. Then I started to feel rage and wanted to snap on the individual that was so hostile toward me, for no reason that I could see. But there was a hidden reason. Truthfully we know that when a certain type of energy continues to present itself to you, there is a need to take a deeper look within as to why. Because we only draw what we are. And if I am drawing this energy it is speaking. So I must listen.
As of late, I have been emerging into more a of fiery presence. More bright, More radiant, More passionate in energy, of which I am filled with curiosity . As well a fear and disdain. The Divine energy of the counterpart of the Egyptian God Ptah, Goddess Sekhmet who represents a Lioness with a sun disk above her head or as her crown indicating Fire emerging from the crown or from the head. Her presence is awakening within me. I will not quiet her in my soul, but allow her presence to be known as she desires to speak. Although, I’m not quite sure how to allow her to demonstrate so I embrace her with caution. But I am eager to know more of her lovely attributes.
The encounters I’ve had lately especially with men have been quite interesting. There have been at least 3 who have called this fire out as if to praise it and raise the vibration of it. As to say, We honor the fire within you. We honor the passion for our people within you. But on the counter side, I’ve had a few that shunned it through being nasty, mean, rude and unpleasant in their projection, due to it making them feel uncomfortable and inferior in some way. I welcome both responses.
I paused to ponder the polarity of responses. The conclusions of both are very beautiful. Now pondering the feelings of fear and disdain towards this emerging energy. I extended myself to thoroughly embrace these feelings to the point of tears. Why was I feeling fear and disdain for the anger within me that I identified as both necessary and a foreigner at the same time? The mental warfare within stirred dormant energies through the encounters with these men. One response encouraging me to move forward into the fire. While the other posed resistance that I felt like my stomach was tied in a knot, not wanting to face the shame and guilt that was being projected upon me. Both are accurate. For they depict the war of my mind. One embracing that I am this Fiery temptress with a quiet undertone. But one saying, Your words are foolish and despicable and I hear you not. Shut up, cuz I ain’t trying to hear it. Those causing me to feel shameful and guilt for speaking because I desire to keep the peace and remain friendly. Well the war of choosing what side has become tiring and is wearing on my nerves to the point of not bearing it another moment. In saying that, let’s look at the origin of these mixed emotions of power and conflict. For with power comes conflict. That which I am ready to take responsibility for and rise in the fiery presence that emanates from me. No longer will I suppress it to make another comfortable.
My growing up took place in a very hostile environment. By nature I am a peaceful quiet being for the most part. However, the hostility and anger I encountered on a daily basis for close to 2 1/2 decades on many different levels of made me feel like I was always under attack. To the point of if I didn’t pay attention and be aware of my surroundings that I was going to be over taken and destroyed in some capacity. Whether it was an onslaught of hateful verbiage or a host of ugly glares and stares. Or even in some instances physical attack. This type of constant warfare made me feel like If I just go with it maybe it’ll lessen in strength. But I was wrong. Giving into the beast did not appease it. But instead gave it strength to intensify its warfare. Soon learning that fully withdrawing and choosing to ignore was not ideal. So wisely I grew strength to stand my ground even if it meant having to square off with crazy ass unstable people around me, who were sleep in their pain, unconscious of their effect on others. I got tired of always feeling like I was being torn down by someone’s disregarding or unpleasant ass words. It wore my soul down to the point of feeling like if I must fight to stay alive. Fight is what I will do. Self preservation.
Present day and 9 years later, I finally moved away from this hostile environment into a peaceful space mentally, physically and in my soul. But most recently the hostile interactions with those men who felt inferior to my presence and words have once again triggered the fear of constant warfare and being on guard always. And rightly so this time. See the mentality of being in a constant warfare state was created in my ancestors therefore passed through the DNA lineage. Mental warfare ensued because they had their right of expression of strength and power forcibly taken away. Because it was fearful and frightening to the ones that sought to subdue them. The old white master. And even some of our own people were masters in some form of having some position of authority to tell the ancestors what to do. Even in this day when some of us get positions, having subordinates we forget from which we descended. The womb of Our Ancestors filled with constant pain, fear and suffering. In ancestral times, it was namely that lowly weak negro who was what you call a “Kiss ass”. The one that Yes’sum boss all the time. He was the one that was placed over the Ancestors as an assistant to the old dusty crusty white master. Ain’t that some shit? Lol. Well seeing as I made this correlation. I began to move from understanding my disdain and fear of my own anger to innerstanding why I hate it or fear it to a degree that it keeps me bound and not wanting to be disliked in some ways. Although deeper within not truly caring if many like me. But the ones that are important that see my value and worth, because they see their own.
My disdain and fear of my own anger comes from the old enslaved mentality that if you show anger you will destroy everything around you. If you show anger you will be beat back into submission. If you show anger you will be told that you are being harsh, mean and rude and that you’d better get your ass back in line. If you show anger you will be told that you are out-of-order and that you will be whipped if you don’t get control of it. So in my ancestors hearing this. And me hearing this through my Father, Mother, Sibling and others. I have masterfully learned how to keep my anger in check. But this in check anger is doing me a deep disservice. One I must discontinue.
When I tell you the fire that is emerging from within won’t even allow me to do so anymore. To deny myself the right to the response of anger is no longer an option. To allow myself to remain in fear of the consequences that come with displaying this consuming yet refining fire that I possess would be of detrimental consequence to me. I can no longer sit by and deal pleasantly with those who are offended by my presence and speak to me in a way to bring me under their control because they are some how bothered by it. Fuck it! I don’t care anymore. Because the signals are clear of which I picked up from the interactions with the 6 men that I’ve dealt with recently, is that it will be praised and disliked in the same breath. The fire I represent is a healing and refining fire. And in order to elevate and raise my people up out of their shit. It’s going to be rough, harsh and mean at times and most times as of late because it’s NEEDED for the healing and ascension of the souls that have been locked up by this old white master and even by our own people.
See, we lock each other up. I felt a bit of shame and guilt when the 3 brothers responded with hostility because i was simply trying to engage in conversation to reflect a different prospective. Indicating there are many ways to see a thing, and no one way is the way. We all have a perception. But for you to despise mine and make me a fool and illogical. Oh no, Oh hell No! You just won’t do it anymore. You no longer have permission to do so. Hell I don’t give myself permission to allow you to project your fear, inferiority slave mentality complex on me anymore. I will not allow it! Because now I am aware of what the entity is that operates within these 3 brothers and so many more that I must meet someday. I will now take the Supreme authority in destroying it and dismantling the powers that have held my people in bondage in their minds and souls. I will take responsibility for speaking my truth, whether you want to hear it or not. It is my duty and responsibility to speak and No I’m not shutting up because it makes you uncomfortable. However, you have the option to cease being in my presence. But Royal REDD Peace will not remain peaceful anymore. I will not shrink in fear of my brothers or sisters handing me my ass by spouting out hatred, seeking to degrade and conquer me because I AM A DIVINE GODDESS WOMBMAN WHO CARRIES THE POWER OF LIBERATION IN HER SOUL. FUCK THAT. HELL NO! NO MORE! YOU WILL EITHER RISE UP OR WALK AWAY. I NO LONGER CARE, IT MATTERS NOT IF YOU WANT TO HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT THERE ARE SOULS OUT THERE TIRED OF BEING TIRED. SICK AND TIRED OF FEELING LOW, DEPRESSED, WEIGHTED AND WEIGHED DOWN BY THEIR OWN SENSE OF WORTHLESSNESS, UNWORTHINESS. FUCK THAT! NO MORE.
I AM CALLING OUT ALL SOULS WHO ARE TIRED OF BEING WORN DOWN, BEATEN DOWN AND LOOKED OVER AND MISHANDLED BECAUSE OF THE INFERIOR WAY OF HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF. IT IS NOT THE MAN ON THE OUTSIDE. IT IS NO LONGER THE OLD RAGGEDY WHITE SLAVE MASTER OR YOUR SISTER OR BROTHER WHO HAS BEEN ABUSED LIKE YOU, THAT YOU CAN POINT THE FINGER AT FOR YOUR PAIN AND ANGRY DISPOSITION. YOU MUST NOW GO WITHIN AND LOOK AT THE SHIT THAT YOU’VE ALLOWED TO ACCUMULATE AND FESTER IN YOUR SOUL. MAKING YOU AN ANGRY INDIVIDUAL AND MOST MISERABLE TO BE AROUND. NO MORE WILL I STAND BY IDLY BEING UNCOMFORTABLE AND FEARFUL IN THE PRESENCE OF YOU NIGGA MINDSET INDIVIDUALS. I WILL BLAST YOUR ASS OUT AND NO LONGER GIVE A FUCK ABOUT IT. I DARE YOU TO RISE UP AND LOOK LIKE YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING. BECAUSE AT THAT MOMENT IN WHICH YOU LOOK LIKE YOU WANT TO RISE UP IN ANGER AND INDIGINATION AGAINST ME YOUR SISTER, THE QUEEN GODDESS WHO HAS BEEN APPOINTED TO LIBERATE YOU. THAT IS THE MOMENT I WILL BREAK YOU DOWN IN DIVINE LOVE TO YOUR SIMPLEST FORM AND LEAVE YOU THERE IN HOPES THAT YOU WILL COME TO YOUR AWAKENING, FROM THE FIRE POWER THAT WAS RELEASED UPON YOU. BY THE DIVINE POWERFUL ENTITY KNOWN AS SEKHMET IN THE FORM OF ROYAL REDD PEACE WHO HAS BEEN APPOINTED TO SET HER PEOPLE FREE.